I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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