You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
