apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My cat gives me a boner
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
