RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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