I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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