you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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