my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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