she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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