i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
