do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
