Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
