positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
