five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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