We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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