he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
