It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
