Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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