You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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