Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
