dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
