My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize