I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
