I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Four minutes until I can fart!
this boner is exhausting
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
