It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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