He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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