The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
