Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize