They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
