Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
