peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize