If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
