Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
