I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
