I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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