i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
