And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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