okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
