Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
