did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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