Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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