i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
