Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
