Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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