I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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