They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize