Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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