sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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