Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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