smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
ttyl tear gas
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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