i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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