im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
false alarm. still invincible.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
