hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
