I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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