yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
