She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
