Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
