i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
