Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize