she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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