I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
