If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you will always have a special place in my vag
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
