I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
