YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
