i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
