the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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