week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
