just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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